On 24 March my two-years-and-a-week-shy-of-7 months relationship ended.
While this is one of the most private things to have happened, I feel that I should say something about it here since this is supposed to be about things that happen to me when they do, for better or worse right?
So.
A week ago I might've wrote something different. I might've tried to tell you what happened or at least what I thought happened. I might've tried to explain what it's like to not know what to think or feel about something that you thought you knew most about. I wanted to tell you about how somehow through this break-up I found myself again in the hearts of friends and family, who whether they knew it or not, nothing short of reached in and literally saved me. I am fine, because they tell me I will be.
But today I am going to tell you that it is a wound. A big festering thing for the past three weeks that, in a way exploded last Saturday night amidst too much Heineken and bloody Westlife. :).
Just like a gash on your head you dread each time you remember it's there, knowing that it will hurt to the touch. When you do accidentally brush against it - you wince and can't really believe it - then you remember in a rush of blurry pain how it got there in the first place.
I literally walk around like an injured person, my feet drag and my mind is semi-focused on just getting through the day. I pace myself because I have only myself to get through this with- this hurt which is ironically caused by the one person who was simply, my sanctuary in other times of pain.
But just like other wounds, i'm thinking the sides will start to dry out, the scab will grow and one day the centre - the red, bloody pulsating middle which just when you think will never heal, will.
Someday...I will be Saturday night. I just hope that when I do it will not take as much as I think it will to make me really smile again.
4 comments:
Hey, just read your latest posting. Sorry to hear that things are not going too well on the relationship front lately. Hang in there!
now u learn ur lesson; DUN LISTEN TO WESTLIFE!!
Half. You'll feel this way for a while. Nothing left to tear apart. But then...mending. And as much as we hate to hear it, there's an end...and a beginning following that. Take care.
Thks Hon Weng - for the call too.
So true Lucia, there's a part of me that I want to keep but is really hard to because it is so intertwined with the little routines and other things which I used to do in the relationship, and really hurts to not have now. But on the other hand to just let go that bit of myself is..making me someone I may not want to be. So yea, it's like existing on half of yourself well trying to decide what to do. kind of sucks.
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