This has been one of those great weekends where Saturday felt like a Sunday, hence Sunday felt like an extra day off. Which has left me time to be pensive over complex topics one should not spend too much time thinking about.
Like being happy. Over Thai food in Penang last Thursday night, my friend LCL tells me that the thing that keeps people from being happy is their Ego. Emm...hmm? She explains that Ego is what causes people the need to feel different from others. When really of course, we are all part of one another and part of the same body of...God.
Stay with me here.
Sometimes I suppose we do revel / wallow in our past experiences, hanging on long past their memorabilia due date because these make us feel that we have encountered a depth of something that others may not be enriched enough to understand, making us more special because we did. We "survived". Add sentimentality and you're singing too much of Pink's "Who Knew" when someone leaves your life - a death of sorts. Add cleverness and sometimes you get prejudice.
Doesn't help either that happiness is a pretty commonplace thing. Let's face it, most of the time we don't realise we had it until we get into an unhappier place and look back. Plus, happiness is a current thing, and living in the present is always scary - running the same circles of lessons unlearnt from the past has at least some hopeless certainty to it.
Maybe we shouldn't be afraid of forgetting since it's harder to forget than we think anyway. Maybe we shouldn't be afraid of a blank canvas everyday, although it may turn out to be empty, lonely or just plain boring.
Sunday, August 26, 2007
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
Gone Snorkeling
Coming to think of it, I really should post an underwater picture, but unfortunately I’m no proud owner of such useful camera gear. Also, this shot will always be special because piqued by the enthusiasm of a certain reassuring MC, it is where I first wander off safe, solid beachfront into the unknown under the cool, blue surface of the sea.
The beach just-around-the-corner of Gem Island, Terengganu
And what a party it is down there! Bulbous corals beckon, and when approached, you find that they are perched on some underwater rock and just beyond is space, storeys and storeys of space that open up below and entice you to dive down and explore. Fish graceful and playful, flitting things which make you think of every colour you’ve ever learnt of – carmine, indigo, teal, in combinations you’d never see on land. Sedentary sea cucumbers on the seabed, sea snails suctioned tight onto rocks, man I even saw an oyster.
And us – how encumbered and clumsy we are with our life jackets, mouthpieces and precious buoyancy, bumping our way through a world where I could not help but think we do not belong. If you stick your hand out and look at it under the water, you will find it an unnatural, unhealthy shade of greenish-grey, not unlike how fish look as they lose their gleam almost immediately when out of water.
Nevertheless, it was such fun to visit – I could almost hear the band carrying on as I made my way back over the sparkling water to land.
The beach just-around-the-corner of Gem Island, TerengganuAnd what a party it is down there! Bulbous corals beckon, and when approached, you find that they are perched on some underwater rock and just beyond is space, storeys and storeys of space that open up below and entice you to dive down and explore. Fish graceful and playful, flitting things which make you think of every colour you’ve ever learnt of – carmine, indigo, teal, in combinations you’d never see on land. Sedentary sea cucumbers on the seabed, sea snails suctioned tight onto rocks, man I even saw an oyster.
And us – how encumbered and clumsy we are with our life jackets, mouthpieces and precious buoyancy, bumping our way through a world where I could not help but think we do not belong. If you stick your hand out and look at it under the water, you will find it an unnatural, unhealthy shade of greenish-grey, not unlike how fish look as they lose their gleam almost immediately when out of water.
Nevertheless, it was such fun to visit – I could almost hear the band carrying on as I made my way back over the sparkling water to land.
Saturday, August 04, 2007
Hello Malaysians!
It's Merdeka this month - we are 50. You may not find me at the Putrajaya parade but I still have a certain sentimentality about Tanggal 31 and all that, perhaps quite well represented by this ad in MAS' Going Places. It's a shame that it is so small here, I really liked the shots.
It IS the little things that make being Malaysian great. So many of us take for granted things which we share to an extent that amazingly every Malay, Chinese, Indian and other race in this country can call their own, yet respect that it comes from a different race. Like satay. Mamak. Yong Tau Foo. Our festivals - I've seen Chinese people wear their cheongsams during Hari Raya in the shopping malls just for the heck of it.
And for me, being known and accepted first as a Malaysian, then a Chinese. I don't think that neccessarily goes in that order in other countries of overseas Chinese diaspora.
Living in this country can be frustrating. Snatch thieves, seemingly increasing cases of people being cut up and stuffed in freezers, tunnel vision driving, public transportation networks not linked up, gripes of preferential treatment bla bla.
But you know what? I like it. I still believe in it. I believe in things big and small- like genuinely chummy conversations with cab drivers, the Prime Minister just because he looks like a good man, the layered tastes of our food, our identity. It's hard to define what that is because we are not the kind of people who put labels to things, but ironically that's exactly because we kind of know what's Malaysian and what's not without having to rename the rambutan the Malaysian lychee or something ridiculous like that.
So come back. Stay here. Stay wherever you are. But never forget who we are, and the little, frustrating, hilarious, heart-warming, trying, growing country called Malaysia where we come from.
Happy Merdeka Day!
It IS the little things that make being Malaysian great. So many of us take for granted things which we share to an extent that amazingly every Malay, Chinese, Indian and other race in this country can call their own, yet respect that it comes from a different race. Like satay. Mamak. Yong Tau Foo. Our festivals - I've seen Chinese people wear their cheongsams during Hari Raya in the shopping malls just for the heck of it.
And for me, being known and accepted first as a Malaysian, then a Chinese. I don't think that neccessarily goes in that order in other countries of overseas Chinese diaspora.
Living in this country can be frustrating. Snatch thieves, seemingly increasing cases of people being cut up and stuffed in freezers, tunnel vision driving, public transportation networks not linked up, gripes of preferential treatment bla bla.
But you know what? I like it. I still believe in it. I believe in things big and small- like genuinely chummy conversations with cab drivers, the Prime Minister just because he looks like a good man, the layered tastes of our food, our identity. It's hard to define what that is because we are not the kind of people who put labels to things, but ironically that's exactly because we kind of know what's Malaysian and what's not without having to rename the rambutan the Malaysian lychee or something ridiculous like that.
So come back. Stay here. Stay wherever you are. But never forget who we are, and the little, frustrating, hilarious, heart-warming, trying, growing country called Malaysia where we come from.
Happy Merdeka Day!
Sunday, July 22, 2007
San Francisco - The 2nd & 3rd week
Shopping, shopping and more shopping. No, I'm just kidding. On the 2nd&3rd week of.. Friscmas? my goodself went to see..
One Exploratorium,
Two pretty cool museums - Asian Art & SF MoMA,
Three very nice bookstores - Adobe in Mission, Alexander in SoMA - opposite KPMG, whaddya know? and Overland in Pac Heights where i was very happy to find lots of Somerset Maugham in very old volumes,
Four guided tours - Local food tour around the city, Muir Woods & pretty Sausalito, Alcatraz - who knew audio tours could be so cool? and Yosemite National Park for a day (spend 2, if you do get the chance),
One Exploratorium,
Two pretty cool museums - Asian Art & SF MoMA,
Three very nice bookstores - Adobe in Mission, Alexander in SoMA - opposite KPMG, whaddya know? and Overland in Pac Heights where i was very happy to find lots of Somerset Maugham in very old volumes,
Four guided tours - Local food tour around the city, Muir Woods & pretty Sausalito, Alcatraz - who knew audio tours could be so cool? and Yosemite National Park for a day (spend 2, if you do get the chance),
Five - don't have one for five actually,
Six parks and gardens - Yerba Buena, Japanese Tea Garden, Alice Street Community, Alta Plaza, Lafayette and Delores,
And a host of other things which won't fit in numbers nor a pear tree such as admire-till-you-drop Victorian houses, Union Square (go Macys!) & Gilroy shopping, hippy Haight district, Castro, electric light-bulbed Chinatown, brunch in Noe Valley, sleepy-grand City Hall, dimsum and beautiful Farmer's Markets fruits in Milbrae..and lots of tv on demand in the apartment.
Some of my favourite shots to share:
View of Transamerica Pyramid through Grant Street in Chinatown. I also found a Jack Kerouac street somewhere around here. 
One of many ornate features on the walls inside City Hall. After some squinting, this one says: "San Francisco O Glorious City of our hearts, That hast been tried and not found wanting, Go thou with like spirit to make the future thine".
The underground stage at The Purple Onion, where people like Woody Allen and Barbra Streisand got some of their earlier acts
The weeping maidens at The Palace of Fine Arts. If you look really closely, you can see the seagulls perched on their heads. I thought that was pretty funny.
Me and the Burghers of Calais at Stanford University. Ok so this is from the first week but I like this picture alot so it gets to be posted here. The Burghers were six French civilians who offered to sacrifice themselves to the English to end the siege back in 1347 against Calais, a French port. 
THE Yosemite National Park and all its amazing forest and granite rocks. I did a little hike up along the way up to the Vernal Falls, alongside fit and fitter people, grumbling children and encouraging old people. Really great albeit sometimes scary viewpoints from up there. 
Landscape north of San Francisco, on the bus ride back from Yosmemite. You might not be able to see it, but those are windmills atop the hill. 
Richard Spreckel's (I think) mansion in Pacific Heights. Pretty postbox right? Crazy steep roads back down to Union Street from around here. 
And last but not least, the sun setting over the Golden Gate Bridge, taken from the ferry back from Alcatraz tour. Must not forget: Much thanks & salute! to Ziggy and Denzil for cross-continent IT support in restoring some of these pictures. I had a horrible scare over the weekend when my now-to-be-disposed thumbdrive collapsed with 414 of my shots.
Also big shout-out to Zuf and the boys in Bangladesh - hang in there and come home safely soon! Will keep some chocolates for you guys.
Thursday, July 19, 2007
I'm coming home, I've done my time
HK International Airport, Gate 23.
In a very nice way, of course. Tell you guys about the 2nd week a little bit later.
For now, it's 2.30 pm Weds in San Francisco, 5.50 am Thurs in Hong Kong where I am and probably 6.00 am in KL.
I am feeling...good. Alert, and normal, which is i think alot to say when flying through different time zones.
Good 12 hour stretch from SFO, sat next to a kind of short-fused Hongkie teenager who would awake from morose concentrated silences to snap at his dad at the window seat for his seemingly profound ignorance e.g. that HK is a 3 hour (well 15 hours, but 3 when you're adjusting your watch) difference from San Francisco. That, plus a pre-tty noisy baby across the aisle. His mother would give me a hapless, "can you believe this?" look every so often. The patience of parents of babies never ceases to amaze me.
Nevertheless, somehow managed to catch some decent shut-eye.
You know what happens on long-haul flights though? You get really THIRSTY. They don't allow water to be brought onto the plane, it comes in very small plastic cup portions on the flight, and if you are on transit in the middle of the night like me with no HK dollars, the vending machine looks sympathetic but can't do anything to help you.
----
Still HK International Airport, Shopping & Food Area
Thank goodness for fast food places that open at 6. Here I am, rejuvenated by a nice chrysanthemum drink bottled by, let's see Healthworks of Coca-Cola. Fascinating. That is one of my favourite things about travel. Eating and drinking whatever you don't seem to be able to get at home.
You know another thing that's true? All airports really do look the same after a while. Although I have sort of fulfilled my wanderlust for the past 3 weeks, do regret a little not being able to step out and see Hong Kong. It's a strange, time-warpy feeling being stuck in an airport.
In a very nice way, of course. Tell you guys about the 2nd week a little bit later.
For now, it's 2.30 pm Weds in San Francisco, 5.50 am Thurs in Hong Kong where I am and probably 6.00 am in KL.
I am feeling...good. Alert, and normal, which is i think alot to say when flying through different time zones.
Good 12 hour stretch from SFO, sat next to a kind of short-fused Hongkie teenager who would awake from morose concentrated silences to snap at his dad at the window seat for his seemingly profound ignorance e.g. that HK is a 3 hour (well 15 hours, but 3 when you're adjusting your watch) difference from San Francisco. That, plus a pre-tty noisy baby across the aisle. His mother would give me a hapless, "can you believe this?" look every so often. The patience of parents of babies never ceases to amaze me.
Nevertheless, somehow managed to catch some decent shut-eye.
You know what happens on long-haul flights though? You get really THIRSTY. They don't allow water to be brought onto the plane, it comes in very small plastic cup portions on the flight, and if you are on transit in the middle of the night like me with no HK dollars, the vending machine looks sympathetic but can't do anything to help you.
----
Still HK International Airport, Shopping & Food Area
Thank goodness for fast food places that open at 6. Here I am, rejuvenated by a nice chrysanthemum drink bottled by, let's see Healthworks of Coca-Cola. Fascinating. That is one of my favourite things about travel. Eating and drinking whatever you don't seem to be able to get at home.
You know another thing that's true? All airports really do look the same after a while. Although I have sort of fulfilled my wanderlust for the past 3 weeks, do regret a little not being able to step out and see Hong Kong. It's a strange, time-warpy feeling being stuck in an airport.
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
San Francisco - The 1st Week
I did plenty! Can't put it all down but here's a quick recap:
Monday 2/7: Arrive. Took the Bart - it's a nice train, something like the LRT.
Tuesday 3/7: Petaluma Outlet shopping. Pretty typical huh? This place is kind of insanely far away from town (but I got to cross the Golden Gate Bridge!), not somewhere I'd suggest attempting on your first day especially when your mind is fighting jetlag. But the 4th of July sale was on, so what was I supposed to do?
Wednesday 4/7: Berkeley. Ziggy goes to graduate school here and was kind enough to take us. We did the Scharffen Berger chocolate tour factory, learnt about nibs and orange chocolate lipgloss. The 4th Street area and shops are really nice - all relaxed and sunshiney. And to round the night off - I got to see 4th of July fireworks from on top of a hill.
Thursday 5/7: Fisherman's Wharf and North Beach. Yes we did the tram - got to stand next to the gripman too, his name was Fish. Clam chowder? Not great. Ripley's Museum? Pretty good fun. North Beach? Nice. Hilly but Coit Tower and the pretty houses and cafes is worth the walk. Here's Janine trying to figure where we're headed outside the St. Peter & Paul church:
Friday 6/7: Googleplex. Yes - the very coveted, "wonder what it's like inside" workplace. Wonder what it's like? No one's dressed for work, dogs are allowed and there are 14 gourmet cafes serving free food. Abit surreal for me.
Stanford University. Wow this is a nice campus. Earthy tones and low-rise buildings. I really liked the church - mosaics and warm colours have always done it for me. They also have a very nice park of Rodin sculptures - check out The Three Shades, now does that man have an appreciation for the human body and muscle shapes or what?
Saturday 7/7: Napa Valley. I remember being very very happy at Mumm - that's a sparkling wine vineyard. And what lovely vineyards - we went to V. Sattui (lunch here - good bbq ribs and deli), Clos Pegase (schmancy man, schamancy), Mumm (classy yet simple) and Clos DuVal (quaint, and so pretty). And then, more outlet shopping - as it turns out there was a Napa Valley Outlet Mall (shrug).
Sunday 8/7: Some Golden Gate Park gardens. It was a pretty chilly day. I liked the Legion of Honor museum alot - there was a pipe organ performance going on when we got there, which made the whole experience terribly atmospheric. Afterwards, Richmond Chinatown for tong sui and grocery shopping. Janine and I cooked up a success that night, notwithstanding toothpaste, falling soba and scrambling crabs. We deserved a big pat on the back. Us and Amy Beh both.
Monday 2/7: Arrive. Took the Bart - it's a nice train, something like the LRT.
Tuesday 3/7: Petaluma Outlet shopping. Pretty typical huh? This place is kind of insanely far away from town (but I got to cross the Golden Gate Bridge!), not somewhere I'd suggest attempting on your first day especially when your mind is fighting jetlag. But the 4th of July sale was on, so what was I supposed to do?
Wednesday 4/7: Berkeley. Ziggy goes to graduate school here and was kind enough to take us. We did the Scharffen Berger chocolate tour factory, learnt about nibs and orange chocolate lipgloss. The 4th Street area and shops are really nice - all relaxed and sunshiney. And to round the night off - I got to see 4th of July fireworks from on top of a hill.
Thursday 5/7: Fisherman's Wharf and North Beach. Yes we did the tram - got to stand next to the gripman too, his name was Fish. Clam chowder? Not great. Ripley's Museum? Pretty good fun. North Beach? Nice. Hilly but Coit Tower and the pretty houses and cafes is worth the walk. Here's Janine trying to figure where we're headed outside the St. Peter & Paul church:
Friday 6/7: Googleplex. Yes - the very coveted, "wonder what it's like inside" workplace. Wonder what it's like? No one's dressed for work, dogs are allowed and there are 14 gourmet cafes serving free food. Abit surreal for me.
Stanford University. Wow this is a nice campus. Earthy tones and low-rise buildings. I really liked the church - mosaics and warm colours have always done it for me. They also have a very nice park of Rodin sculptures - check out The Three Shades, now does that man have an appreciation for the human body and muscle shapes or what?
Saturday 7/7: Napa Valley. I remember being very very happy at Mumm - that's a sparkling wine vineyard. And what lovely vineyards - we went to V. Sattui (lunch here - good bbq ribs and deli), Clos Pegase (schmancy man, schamancy), Mumm (classy yet simple) and Clos DuVal (quaint, and so pretty). And then, more outlet shopping - as it turns out there was a Napa Valley Outlet Mall (shrug)
Sunday 8/7: Some Golden Gate Park gardens. It was a pretty chilly day. I liked the Legion of Honor museum alot - there was a pipe organ performance going on when we got there, which made the whole experience terribly atmospheric. Afterwards, Richmond Chinatown for tong sui and grocery shopping. Janine and I cooked up a success that night, notwithstanding toothpaste, falling soba and scrambling crabs. We deserved a big pat on the back. Us and Amy Beh both.
Thursday, July 05, 2007
I don't hate you, but
If I knew how to write clever little poems, I'd write one now, but I don't. NPS has correctly advised that I should just forget about the whole thing and get on fabulously with life, which I am, but I am also one for finding words to express exact feelings at certain points in time, so here's an ode of sorts to the ex:
I don't hate you but I do hate how you've made me:
1. Doubt every guy I see and get to know, thinking at some point he'll be able to hurt me, or any girl he's with.
2. Make what could possibly be one of the greatest trips of my life feel like a trip of recovery, rather than that of discovery and appreciation.
3. Have to have these moments where I tell myself "You'll be fine".
4. Feel terrible despite making the right decision.
5. Battle with the hurt of encountering something that reminds me of the good things about you, or us.
6. Cynical. At this point I don't think I could ever write an entry like "World Peas" or "Sniff" again.
So yes I don't hate you, you make that hard because you're a "nothing but nice" sort of person and full of vague yet cleverly phrased answers like "I don't have an answer for that yet", and "I don't know why you still want to speak to me" which detracts from the ugly chronology of the case.
So yes, lessons learnt and fingers burnt. Now let me go get on with the business of getting over it.
I don't hate you but I do hate how you've made me:
1. Doubt every guy I see and get to know, thinking at some point he'll be able to hurt me, or any girl he's with.
2. Make what could possibly be one of the greatest trips of my life feel like a trip of recovery, rather than that of discovery and appreciation.
3. Have to have these moments where I tell myself "You'll be fine".
4. Feel terrible despite making the right decision.
5. Battle with the hurt of encountering something that reminds me of the good things about you, or us.
6. Cynical. At this point I don't think I could ever write an entry like "World Peas" or "Sniff" again.
So yes I don't hate you, you make that hard because you're a "nothing but nice" sort of person and full of vague yet cleverly phrased answers like "I don't have an answer for that yet", and "I don't know why you still want to speak to me" which detracts from the ugly chronology of the case.
So yes, lessons learnt and fingers burnt. Now let me go get on with the business of getting over it.
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