It Ain't A Party

I work in an accounting firm, a Big 4 if you like. In such a firm, everyone in and out of the business knows that faces change faster than a Chinese Bianlian show.

Having said that, I will give you a first-hand account of what it’s like.

Corny but true and I make no apologies, it’s rather like the America’s Next Top Model lineup on TV - where each week one character fades from the picture until at the end, there is that last one standing. Only in this case, you don’t really know what you’ve won.

The next starry-eyed batch comes along (just like TV the show must go on, you see) and camaraderie has to be rebuilt, jokes retold, and friendships reforged. It gets old, and shockingly after not-quite 4 years of this jazz, I am tired.

Yes, work is just work, but somehow the workplace is not all about work is it? Unless you are from the cold-hearted, single-minded, climb-ladder-at-all-costs kind of school, the people who run the mill with you everyday do matter.

In short; allizdavidsengfunpohsuandilloncharleswaichoongcheliangjusttomentionafew, you are greatly missed. Group trips are not the same without you.

Sick Speechless

Leaky nose. Cracked lips. Ping-pong ball lump at the back of my throat. Swallowing is a teary affair. Panadol after meals. Sleep after Panadols.

My brain works but in instalments. I need my bed and pajamas.

So here I am, propped up by pillows and achy knees.

Thank God for e-mail and sms, I can enjoy my own silence.


Big CROAKY birthday shoutout though, to the Musicman - Happy 25th!! Take the weekend off, buddy.

Miss Universe 2006

This is what the world has come to.

I watched my Astro Starworld with growing horror as the title was officially won by a walking toothpick with a marble for a head. I mean, could she BE any skinnier? What happened to healthy looking girls with proportionately-sized boobs? What happened to Miss Japan - spunky, warm, sexy and by far with the most intelligent answers?

Okay. In all honesty, she wasn’t the only set of unnaturally gaunt cheekbones and protruding shoulder blades to grace the stage that night. But to grant this culture of emaciation the oldest crown and sash of universal beauty?!

I’m just thinking if this is the way things go, there may not be a Miss Universe next year. Not because of any anti-anorexia outrage, but simply because Little Miss Puerto Rico (and I emphasise little) could’ve disappeared sideways and not be around to give the crown away.

Food for thought, no pun intended - apparently she passed out during a post pageant conference. Too hot and dress too tight, as the reps say? Maybe. Pure hunger from bird-like diets in the months leading up to the competition? More likely.

p/s: Kudos to Project Runway - Miss USA Tara Conner's dress was great.

John Mayer sings...

I wonder sometimes
About the outcome
Of a still verdictless life
Am I living it right?

At 25 - a commonly accepted age for the onset of quarter life crisis, I do wonder.

Living it right? My say:

It’s about choosing whoever you are. No waking up and not recognizing the person in the mirror, less whining about all the people who “make my life this way”. People try, but you make your life - no one can or wants to take that responsibility away.

It’s about debunking myths, while existing within them. Society in my view (especially the middle class Malaysian one) seems to think that there are only two types of young people - The Ones Who Toe the Line, and The Ones Who well, Don't. The former usually perceived to be more successful albeit rather boring, and the latter less likely to have the 'good job' although possibly more exciting hobbies. We have to have the courage to believe that these “quadrants” don’t exist. In-betweens do, and it is always the person that makes the job or lifestyle, never vice-versa.

It’s about acting. Action segregates the inspirers from the never-quite-theres. Translate your ideals into something tangible - small as it may be, or sit and gather dust with it on the shelf. It is a lonely place with echoes of past audiences, memories of those who believed in you, and a great view of the world passing by.

It’s about growing, reaching for new experiences instead of rehashing old triumphs. Friendships too - let’s go for a beer and talk about something you really want to say. Let’s be able to say “You’ve changed somewhat from what I remember, but so have I. I’ll get to know you now”.

So. After all this talk you ask "What about you, Little-Miss-Philosophy?"

Is my life still verdictless? Yes.

Do I remember though, all the things which I want to be? Everyday.

Will I get there? Baby steps now in unchartered waters, but yes. Yes.

Fly, Flying, Flown

Touch down.

Rub the sleep out of your eyes.

Get your bags. Look back and wave.

Let the games begin.

Pick up your feet, but don’t trip.

Work it, girls. Let’s just work it.


p/s: Happy birthday, David :)

Malaysian Nights

Mosquitoes must be one of the worst things about living in the tropics.

The word that comes to mind: RELENTLESS.

The same damn mosquito mind you, just one can keep you up all night.

11.30pm: Spot it flying around. Switch on Vape* - go to bed in the comfort of its poisonous protection.

1.00am: Vape has worn off. Mosquito has bitten 3 spots on right leg and 2 on left arm. Too damn sleepy to get up and replace the Vape mat. Scratch like mad and cocoon self in blanket - hah! There’s no where to bite now.

3.00am: Mosquito bites ankle and baby toe. Also dive-bombs a sting on earlobe. That's it. Get up, switch on the bedside light. Offer bare arms up as 'bait' and wait for it to strike. Come on! It's war now.

3.30am: It does not come. They must be smarter than we give them credit for. Damn it! Sleep beckons. I have less endurance than an insect. Must never enlist for war.

5.00am: It strikes AGAIN. Surprised it managed to find fresh skin surface at all. Almost pleading now..only 3 more hours till 8! Give me a break! Turn around to scratch, then..I see it. It’s gotten slow, gorged and fat. Oblivious of its impending doom.

SLAP. I am a little disappointed to see so little blood spilt. Surely there’s more to show for a whole night of listless dreams and itching, itching, itching.

I am resigned. Sleep now. The enemy is gone.

* Vape: By Fumakilla. Slip in a Vape Mat, switch electricity on, heat releases d-allethrin (40mg/mat apparently) which keeps mozzies away. Probably not the best for human inhalation as well, but I’ll take my chances.

Right footedness

Just now, on the way home from work I discovered this shocking fact; that my left foot can't drive!

What happened was this - I was at the traffic lights and felt this great need to take off my right shoe. So , very gingerly I replaced my right foot with my left on the brake pedal. Then while enjoying the air-conditioned breeze through my newly-liberated toes, i had this brilliant thought "Let's try driving with my left foot.." Afterall, when your brain learns to drive the whole body knows how to drive, right? Wrong.

The lights were still red so I thought i'd just nudge my car forward for starters. I lifted my foot off the brake pedal..tyres rolled, jolly good.. and I stepped...so hard that I actually jolted in my seat. Exactly like how I used to when taking lessons from the horrific instructor who used a badminton racket to jab at your brakes at Sekolah Memandu Yew.

I was flabbergasted. I mean, right-handedness is something you're born with but this? It gives a whole new depth to the concept of two left feet!

After extensive discussion with my boyfriend the A-Levels Biology student, it has come down to this - no reason for alarm, it's just a triumph of muscle memory over brain? memory. My left leg muscles apparently do not "remember" how to step on a brake pedal simply because it hasn't done so before.

And why didn't my brain tell it how to? Well I guess it takes two to tango. Brain and muscle I mean, not two brains. Afterall, you are talking to the girl who can't and I mean just CAN'T catch batu serembans no matter how much she wills her mind to. Oh well.

Quote of the Day

"Love simply, Live fully"

Some time back I was listening to MY FM and heard the DJ/guest artiste (can't remember now) saying in Mandarin of course, what largely translates into the above.

To me it's a brilliant adage, especially for young modern women like me, who tend to over-worry and over-think our lovelife and all its' intricacies and complexities, sometimes simply for lack of a more important thing to worry and think about.

Don't get me wrong, I don't think that we should hang it all - a man-woman relationship like any other is work, and even more so because it's easy to want to make excuses and take things for granted in the name of being "loved". And that happens both ways by the way, boys.

But to love simply is about not indulging neither him nor yourself, about knowing that since there are 2 people involved logically you can only get your way roughly 50% of the time, about picking your battles and not picking on your partner when you are having a bad day, about not turning little mistakes into character flaws, and about forgiving - just forgiving without putting in "but you-know-you-owe-me" tokens because it's just too bloody hard and pointless to keep tabs of those.

And to live fully, well now that...the possibilities are endless! And it's about being excited about YOURSELF. Once you free up all that time from over-worrying about your relationship there is so much more to discover and rediscover. And to make yourself whole so that yes, you may stand bettered by your partner but you will stand just great alone.

So, that's my take on this quote of the day.

P/S: I once explained this entire concept to a male friend before, after which he looked at me blankly and said "That's great Pei Wei, but the first thing that came to my mind was that it's about sleeping around and getting away with it. You know, love 'simply' as in like casually..and hence live 'fully' as in like getting to get laid often..hahahahaha"

Sigh..the male mind is something that we will discuss another day, shall we?

World Peas

A typical Saturday afternoon conversation between NS and myself...

Setting: My couch, 6.30 p.m, too lazy to get up and go for dinner appointment at 7.00 p.m

PW: So, shall we begin this intellectual discourse?
NS: Yes, shall we talk about...world peace?
PW: World Peace?
NS: Yes, World Peas.
PW: Okay, I like peas in a mash on a pie like the ones in Sydney.
NS: A pea pie?
PW: No..ON the pie, like gravy.
NS: Peas on the pie.
PW: Yes. You are not contributing any new information here.
NS: Okay. I like peas in a pod.
PW: Ooh...like snow peas. I like snow peas.
NS: Okay...if you can get them here..?
PW: Of course you can. In Chinese restaurants. I like them tossed with scallops, bwocolli and garlic (mouth-watering face)
NS: Bwocolli?
PW: Yes, brocolli. We'd better get going.
NS: Okay, ladies first.
PW: (extending one languorous foot forward) Okay, I've taken the first step. Your turn.
NS: (extends one foot forward as well) Okay, I've taken the second step.
PW: (sighs) Great, baby. This is the typical type of thing that makes us look weird to other people.
NS: Okay, okay. Let's go.


Disclaimer: Because of the somewhat inane nature of the situation, some portions of the conversation may have been omitted/slipped the writer's mind. Writer's partner-in-crime is advised to highlight any key discrepancies.

Panas...

I suppose at some point during this charming blog-versation that we’re having, we’ll have to talk about the weather. It may as well be today.

If you live in PJ/KL vicinity, you would’ve noticed that there is some sort of drought/heatwave going on. Except for the two strange 5-minute downpours last week, which I suspect to be some cloud-seeding exercise going awry, it probably hasn’t rained in the past 10-15 days! (If I remember correctly that is, cos it feels like a hundred to me anyway).

Weather in Malaysia is extreme. When it rains, it pours. And when it’s hot, well..it’s really hot. The sun blinds and scorches. You feel headache-y and in need of a cold shower to literally wash the heat out of your hair and under your skin. Stay indoors? The circulating air from the fan doesn’t reach you, but gets trapped somewhere within the layers of hot air between the fan and where you’re sitting. You feel baked and somewhat muffled like you’re stuck inside a thick roll of cotton.

But I like rainy days in Malaysia. It really rains – an ominous, thunderous warning followed by a drenching affair with real pelting raindrops and heat steaming up from the roads after. Everything is washed, cooled and renewed. I used to get depressed with the rain in Sydney; grey skies, half-hearted thunder like polite burps and flyaway raindrops which lasts for hours. Once on the way home in such weather, I looked up and said to the sky “Can’t you even rain properly? Such a p#ssy way to do it!”

Anyhow, our much bitched about Malaysian weather has its highlights, I think. Hot days are for Ribena and longans in syrup, rainy days are for Soupy Snax with salted crackers. Sup kambing is a great option too.

It ain’t four seasons and a white Christmas...but it’s ours. Think I'll go make me a ribena now :)

Of Landmines and Lifesavers

When a person encounters heartbreak, the mind steps in and says “You will not go through this again. I will not allow it”. I guess this is known scientifically as the defence mechanism, or Oprah-ifically as “being your own best friend”.

The mantra is an overall strategy. I believe that being the amazing thing which God created our mind to be, without us knowing it goes on to break down this general defence strategy into little triggers, which it then embeds all over our sub-conscious system.

An example of how triggers work: If previously you’d been with a person who was losing interest in you and you did not see the meltdown coming, in this relationship you’d jump at the mere hint of you sliding down his priority ladder. If you’d been lied to before, you don’t give the new guy room for trust, let alone trust itself easily. Chemicals excrete in some gland somewhere and your inner voice screams “It’s happening again! Red alert!!”

Triggers can be lifesavers or landmines.

If your new relationship is really not like the last and you’re just battling past demons, it is a landmine which shoots you in the foot and you’ve missed what could be The Next Best Thing. But, if you are prone to repeatedly picking the same a.k.a wrong type of partners, it can be a lifesaver which bobs up like a buoy just when you need rescuing.

So do you trust it? Paradoxically, while being amazing creatures, we only use 3% (or was it 0.3%?) of our brains for the most of our life, so half the time we don’t really know. The new guy could be Mr Right as much as Mr Same As The Last or even Mr Worse. So should you Give Love A Chance? Or call his bluff?

I think, take the plunge but take it slow. You don’t get wiser being single.

I think Celine Dion’s lines “When I fall in love, it will be forever, or I’ll never fall in love” are more than a soppy bathroom chorus.

I think, take responsibility and apologise for your demons but remember that you ARE your own best friend.

I think, if it is The Next Best Thing, patience and love will prevail.

I think, hope. Sometimes it's all we've got.

Ice cream Fondue

Okay. This I must say, is something that may be most suitable for an all-girls day out. You know one of those where there's like 3-4 of you and a post-shopping afternoon with nothing to do but yak?

Not that ice-cream ain't macho don't get me wrong, but for 2 simple reasons 1. the ice-cream balls (see pic) are actually quite.. demure (okay, they are about the size of a smallish fishball each) and 2. the forks which you spear them with are long, ladylike and just MEANT to be held between your thumb and first finger, with the quintessential pinkie sticking out ala 'tai-tai'. Not exactly what I would imagine a guy's idea of RM54.90 for a meal+outing well spent, if you know what I mean.

Having said that, it was a rather jolly six of us (which included three guys) at Haagen-Dasz One Utama last weekend "steamboating" ice-cream, fruits, choc chip cookies, choc rolls etc. in a divine pot of warm chocolate sauce and crunchy peanut toppings. Yu-mmy..and the serving dish (not featured in pic) looks great too, I have to say. (Note to self: Have to stop ordering things just because the serving dish looks nice)

So anyways, give it a go people and tell me what you think. Sure beats going to Starbucks AGAIN, I think.

p/s: Alliz, if you are reading bon voyage and travel safe. You will do great :)

Sniff

Some of my memories are made up of smells.

909 soap: Sahabat 16 Estate house (Sabah), 1989

I am 8 years old. Dark and cool rooms in a one-storey bungalow (my favourite type of house yet), dusty road with Koperasi (sundry shop) at one end and school at the other, jetty and the beach with jellyfishes, my mother: young, very pretty and very fierce.

New paint: Kluang house, 1992

Coming to think of it, there's plenty of new paint in my lifetime this far but somehow this one sticks. One and a half storey house with the kitchen downstairs, isn't that odd? Fresh red-bean buns from the bakery at the back, four-angled beans on the chain-linked fence, Canossian Convent, Sister Mary and breaking my front tooth.

Asam laksa: Taman Bukit Maluri, 1995

I am 14 years old. Sordid school stories, school gang fights (in the canteen involving chilli sauce and chocolate biscuit rolls..lol), 50 roses, taekwondo, RenHorng & Pak Lim - okay fine, you guys ARE the best of the best, despite it all.

Cold air + good Donburi: HydePark Towers Sydney, 2002

Melissa - my housemate who made a home for me, EasyWay bubble tea (KLCC also got), Pitt Street Mall, Sonia, Joseph - love your apartment, still hate avocados, Paddy's Market, Bondi..Debbie (inseparable memories), Michelle, Oatley and train rides.

Must not forget; mardi gras umbrella, literally being blown off your feet, che2 at year-end, Ralf & crazy airbed, cute greek waiters and great spanish food. A lifetime of memories in ONE year - time's fun when one's having flies like ns would say (god, these days i don't even cringe at such statements anymore..that IS a bad sign)

Basil: Cambodia, 2004 & 2005

Tuk-tuk rides to everywhere, people who are somehow simple, hard, jaded and innocent all at the same time, sunburn at AngkorWat, markets and papaya bags, Pimms No.1, and singing English oldies with friends Sony and Vanlin at the back of pick-up trucks. Oh yes, and work..of course.

Fish pond,cement still new: Nge Seng's garden, 2006

I am 25 years old. Ballon mollys and swordtails. Bright weekends and long breakfasts. After-dinner walks around the neighbourhood. Phonecalls and U2. Also Oasis, which I'm listening to right now. Stand by me, Nobody knows..yea-eh-eh, the way it's gonna be. Getting to know you may be one of my biggest adventures yet, aren't you lucky? *wink*