Of Landmines and Lifesavers

When a person encounters heartbreak, the mind steps in and says “You will not go through this again. I will not allow it”. I guess this is known scientifically as the defence mechanism, or Oprah-ifically as “being your own best friend”.

The mantra is an overall strategy. I believe that being the amazing thing which God created our mind to be, without us knowing it goes on to break down this general defence strategy into little triggers, which it then embeds all over our sub-conscious system.

An example of how triggers work: If previously you’d been with a person who was losing interest in you and you did not see the meltdown coming, in this relationship you’d jump at the mere hint of you sliding down his priority ladder. If you’d been lied to before, you don’t give the new guy room for trust, let alone trust itself easily. Chemicals excrete in some gland somewhere and your inner voice screams “It’s happening again! Red alert!!”

Triggers can be lifesavers or landmines.

If your new relationship is really not like the last and you’re just battling past demons, it is a landmine which shoots you in the foot and you’ve missed what could be The Next Best Thing. But, if you are prone to repeatedly picking the same a.k.a wrong type of partners, it can be a lifesaver which bobs up like a buoy just when you need rescuing.

So do you trust it? Paradoxically, while being amazing creatures, we only use 3% (or was it 0.3%?) of our brains for the most of our life, so half the time we don’t really know. The new guy could be Mr Right as much as Mr Same As The Last or even Mr Worse. So should you Give Love A Chance? Or call his bluff?

I think, take the plunge but take it slow. You don’t get wiser being single.

I think Celine Dion’s lines “When I fall in love, it will be forever, or I’ll never fall in love” are more than a soppy bathroom chorus.

I think, take responsibility and apologise for your demons but remember that you ARE your own best friend.

I think, if it is The Next Best Thing, patience and love will prevail.

I think, hope. Sometimes it's all we've got.